Shared Care, Child Maintenance and Mediation

When parents separate, discussions about shared care, time with children, and child maintenance are often some of the most emotionally charged and complex issues to navigate.

Many parents arrive at mediation with strong views about what feels fair, what they believe reflects their involvement, and what they hope arrangements will look like going forward. These conversations are not unusual — and they often reflect deeper concerns about parenting identity, financial pressure, and fear of losing meaningful time with children.

This blog offers general information about how mediation can support discussions around shared care and child maintenance, and how a child-focused approach can help parents move forward constructively.

Why Shared Care and Child Maintenance Can Be Difficult to Discuss

Parents often experience these issues as closely connected. Time with children and financial contributions can feel intertwined, particularly where one parent feels their involvement is not being fully recognised.

Common concerns raised in mediation include:

• Wanting meaningful, consistent time with children

• Worries about fairness and balance

• Confusion about how shared care works in practice

• Anxiety about financial responsibilities

• Fear of decisions being imposed rather than agreed

These concerns are understandable. However, when discussions become fixed around positions — such as specific percentages of time or financial outcomes — it can become harder to focus on what arrangements will genuinely support children’s wellbeing.

How Mediation Supports Discussions About Shared Care

Family mediation provides a neutral, structured space where parents can explore shared care arrangements thoughtfully and realistically.

Rather than starting with a fixed outcome, mediation encourages discussion about:

• Routines and developmental needs of children

• Schooling, friendships and extracurricular activities

• Work patterns and practical availability

• Distance between homes and handover arrangements

• Emotional readiness for transitions

• Consistency, predictability and stability

For some families, an equal or near-equal care arrangement works well. For others, a different pattern better supports children at a particular stage of life. Mediation supports parents to explore what is child-focused, workable and sustainable, rather than what looks fair on paper alone.

Exploring Child Maintenance in Mediation

Child maintenance is another area where parents often feel anxious or frustrated. Conversations about money can quickly become charged, particularly where parents feel under pressure or misunderstood.

In mediation, discussions about child maintenance are approached carefully and transparently. This can include:

• Providing general information about how child maintenance is calculated

• Exploring how different care arrangements interact with financial contributions

• Discussing day-to-day costs such as clothing, school items, clubs and activities

• Considering how parents can plan practically for children’s needs

Mediators do not provide legal or financial advice, and mediation does not replace statutory processes. However, mediation can help parents have clearer, calmer conversations about finances and reduce misunderstandings that often drive conflict.

Moving From Fixed Positions to Child-Focused Solutions

Parents sometimes arrive in mediation with firmly held positions — for example, around equal care or financial arrangements. Mediation helps shift the focus from positions to the underlying concerns that sit beneath them.

These often include:

• Wanting to remain a meaningful, involved parent

• Wanting arrangements to feel fair and manageable

• Wanting stability and routine for children

• Wanting to reduce conflict and uncertainty

• Wanting a co-parenting relationship that works long-term

By identifying shared goals, parents are often better able to build arrangements that support children while also addressing practical and emotional realities.

Why Mediation Is Often Preferred to Court

Many parents choose mediation because it offers an alternative to court proceedings. Compared with litigation, mediation is:

• More flexible

• Less adversarial

• Private and confidential

• Focused on cooperation rather than conflict

• Oriented toward future co-parenting

Importantly, mediation keeps decision-making with the parents, rather than handing outcomes to a third party.

The Impact on Children

Research and experience consistently show that children benefit most when parents:

• Communicate respectfully

• Keep conflict away from children

• Maintain predictable routines

• Work together around transitions and handovers

Mediation supports parents to build these foundations, even where communication has previously been difficult.

How Pax Mediation Supports Parents

At Pax Mediation, we work with parents navigating a wide range of concerns around shared care, finances, and ongoing co-parenting.

Our role is to:

• Provide a neutral, balanced space for discussion

• Support child-focused decision-making

• Help parents explore options calmly and constructively

• Reduce conflict where possible

• Support parents to reach their own informed agreements

Mediation does not tell parents what decisions to make. Instead, it supports thoughtful conversations that reflect each family’s circumstances.

Moving Forward

Discussions about shared care and child maintenance can feel daunting, particularly when emotions are high. Understanding that these conversations can be explored safely, neutrally and with support can make a significant difference.

If you would like to find out more about family mediation and whether it may be helpful for your situation, Pax Mediation can provide information about the process and next steps.

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FAQs

Is 50/50 shared care always best for children?

There is no single arrangement that suits every family. What works best depends on children’s needs, routines and circumstances.

Can mediation help with child maintenance discussions?

Mediation can support constructive conversations about finances by helping parents explore options and understand practical considerations.

Do mediators decide child arrangements or maintenance?

No. Mediators do not make decisions or give legal advice. Parents retain control over outcomes.

Is mediation suitable if parents strongly disagree?

Mediation is often used where communication has broken down, provided it is safe to do so.