Making Christmas arrangements that put your children first
CHRISTMAS AFTER SEPARATION
Christmas can be a magical time for children, but when parents separate, deciding how to share the festive period can feel difficult.
Who will the children spend Christmas Day with? Should you alternate Christmas each year? What happens to family traditions?
There is no single arrangement that works for every family. With planning, flexibility and a focus on your children's needs, it is possible to create a Christmas that feels special, even when things look different.
At Pax Mediation, we help separated parents explore practical arrangements that work for their family.
Planning Christmas Arrangements After Separation
Whether this is your first Christmas apart or you've been separated for several years, planning ahead can reduce uncertainty and help everyone know what to expect.
It may help to discuss:
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Where your children will spend Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day.
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How time will be shared across the school Christmas holidays.
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Arrangements for travelling between households.
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Time with grandparents and wider family members.
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Presents, celebrations and family traditions.
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How your children can stay in touch with the other parent.
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Whether arrangements will alternate or change in future years.
Where possible, agree arrangements well in advance and confirm them in writing. This can prevent misunderstandings and give children time to prepare.
Different Ways to Share Christmas
Every family is different. Here are some arrangements separated parents may wish to consider.
Alternating Christmas Day
Children spend Christmas Day with one parent one year and the other parent the following year.
This can provide a predictable arrangement and reduce the need for travelling between homes on Christmas Day.
Sharing Christmas Day
Some families divide Christmas Day between households, perhaps spending the morning with one parent and the afternoon with the other.
This may work well when parents live close together, but it is worth considering whether travelling and changing households might make the day tiring or stressful for children.
Christmas Eve and Christmas Day
One parent spends Christmas Eve and Christmas morning with the children, while the other celebrates with them later on Christmas Day or Boxing Day.
This can allow both households to enjoy their own festive traditions.
Celebrating Christmas on Different Days
Christmas does not have to happen on 25 December in both homes.
Some families choose to enjoy a second Christmas celebration on Boxing Day or another date during the holidays, without trying to fit everything into one day.
There is no automatic entitlement to a particular share of Christmas Day. The right arrangements will depend on your family's circumstances, any existing court orders and, most importantly, your children's welfare.
Putting Your Children First at Christmas
Christmas arrangements are about more than dividing time fairly between adults.
Children may be excited about celebrating in two homes, but they may also feel sadness, uncertainty or worry about disappointing a parent.
You can support them by:
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Explaining arrangements clearly and in an age-appropriate way.
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Reassuring them that they can enjoy Christmas with both sides of their family.
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Avoiding asking them to choose between parents.
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Keeping familiar traditions where possible.
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Allowing them to talk openly about their feelings.
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Avoiding disagreements or difficult conversations during handovers.
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Remembering that younger children may find frequent transitions particularly tiring.
Children can be listened to without being asked to make adult decisions.
Presents, Grandparents and Christmas Traditions
Christmas often involves more than arrangements between two parents.
Grandparents, stepfamilies, siblings and wider family members may all be part of your children's celebrations.
It may help to agree how presents will be managed, whether important traditions will continue and when children will see extended family.
Try to avoid making Christmas a competition between households. Children should not feel that they need to compare presents, experiences or celebrations.
And remember, new traditions can be just as meaningful as old ones.
When Parents Cannot Agree
It is not unusual for separated parents to have different views about Christmas.
Family mediation can help you discuss your concerns, explore different options and work towards practical arrangements, where mediation is suitable.
Our Family Mediation Council Accredited Mediators support families with child arrangements, including Christmas.
Frequently Asked Questions
What if my ex-partner changes Christmas arrangements at the last minute?
Last-minute changes can be upsetting for children. Where safe, try to agree an alternative that minimises disruption. If disagreements continue, mediation may help you make clearer arrangements for the future.
Who gets the children on Christmas Day after separation?
There is no automatic rule that one parent has Christmas Day or that it must be divided equally. Parents can agree arrangements that suit their children's needs. If a court order specifies Christmas arrangements, its terms must be considered.
Do separated parents have to alternate Christmas every year?
Not necessarily. Many people attend joint mediation sessions together, but if this isn't appropriate, shuttle mediation allows you to remain in separate rooms or separate online meetings while the mediator moves between you.
Can we change our existing Christmas arrangements?
Parents may agree to review informal arrangements as children's needs change. If arrangements are covered by a court order, you should check its terms and seek legal advice about any proposed changes.
Can mediation help if we only disagree about Christmas?
Yes. Family mediation can focus on a particular issue, such as Christmas Day, school holiday arrangements or arrangements for special occasions, provided mediation is suitable for everyone involved.
What if my child wants to spend Christmas with one parent?
It is important to listen to children's feelings and understand what matters to them. However, children should not be placed in the position of choosing between their parents. Their views can inform adult decisions without making them responsible for the outcome.