What About the Children After Separation?
NAVIGATING SEPARATION
When parents separate, questions about the children can feel especially important. You may be thinking about where they will spend time, how their routines will work and what they need from each of you as things change.
There is no single arrangement that fits every child or family. Mediation offers a space to talk through the questions you both have and explore arrangements that take your children’s needs into account.
What arrangements might we need to discuss?
You may wish to talk about where the children will live, when they will spend time with each parent and how everyday routines will work. School, childcare, holidays, special occasions and communication between homes may also be important to your family.
Some questions may need attention soon; others may become clearer over time. What is working for your children at the moment? What might need to change?
What if we see things differently?
It is common for parents to have different ideas about arrangements after separation. In mediation, you each have an opportunity to explain what matters to you and hear the other person’s perspective.
The mediator does not decide where children should live or how much time they should spend with either parent. We help you identify the questions to discuss, explore possible arrangements and consider how those arrangements might work in practice.
How can we take our children’s views into account?
Children may have thoughts and feelings about the changes in their family. Listening to them does not mean asking them to choose between parents or making them responsible for the decisions.
In some circumstances, Child-Inclusive Mediation can offer a child the opportunity to speak privately with a specially trained mediator. Whether this is appropriate depends on the child and the family’s circumstances. The mediator will explain the process, including how the child decides what they would like shared with their parents.
Can arrangements change as children grow?
Children’s needs, routines and interests can change. An arrangement that works now may need to be reviewed later, particularly when school, activities or family circumstances change.
Mediation can provide a space to discuss both your current arrangements and how you might raise changes with each other in the future. If you reach proposals, these can be recorded in a Parenting Plan so you both have a clear account of what you have discussed.
Would it help to talk things through?
What questions about your children feel most pressing? Are there arrangements you would like to explore, or are you unsure how to begin the conversation?
A Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM) is an individual opportunity to explain your circumstances and consider with a mediator whether mediation may be suitable. You can raise any concerns about safety privately at that meeting.