How Should Separated Parents Divide the School Holidays?
- Aug 11
- 5 min read
School holidays can be one of the trickiest parts of co-parenting after separation.
During term time, families often settle into a fairly predictable routine. Then the school holidays arrive and suddenly there are weeks to divide, childcare to arrange, holidays to book and family occasions to consider.
There is no single way that separated parents should divide the school holidays. What works will depend on your children, their ages, your usual arrangements, work commitments and the circumstances of your family.
If you are struggling to agree, family mediation can help you discuss the school holidays and work towards arrangements that suit your family.
How Do Separated Parents Split the School Holidays?
Some parents divide school holidays equally. Others continue something similar to their usual term-time arrangements, with additional time during longer breaks.
There is no one arrangement that will suit every family.
Parents might consider:
the age of each child;
how much time the child usually spends with each parent;
each parent's work and childcare arrangements;
holidays that either parent would like to take;
the child's activities and existing plans;
birthdays and important family occasions;
travel between the two homes; and
what arrangements the child is already familiar with.
For some children, spending a full week or two with each parent works well. For others, particularly younger children, shorter periods may be more suitable for the family's circumstances.
The important thing is to find an arrangement that works for your particular family, rather than assuming there is a standard formula that everyone should follow.
Should School Holidays Be Split 50/50?
Parents sometimes assume that school holidays have to be divided equally.
They don't necessarily have to be.
Some separated parents choose a 50/50 arrangement because it works well for them and their children. Other families agree something different.
An equal number of days is also not always the same as an arrangement that works practically for everyone.
Work patterns, childcare, travel, children's activities and existing parenting arrangements can all affect what is realistic.
Family mediation can help parents move away from arguments about what is mathematically "fair" and instead explore what might work in practice.
How Should We Divide the Summer Holidays?
The long summer break can require the most planning.
Six weeks can feel very different from a one-week half-term, and parents may want to take their children away for longer periods.
Some families divide the summer into weeks or blocks of time. Others maintain their normal routine and agree additional holiday periods with each parent.
It can help to discuss summer arrangements well in advance, particularly if either parent wants to book an overseas holiday.
Things to consider might include:
how many consecutive nights the child will spend with each parent;
planned family holidays;
childcare during working days;
summer clubs and activities;
time with grandparents or extended family;
how handovers will work; and
whether children will keep in contact with the other parent during longer periods away.
Planning early can also help avoid one parent booking a holiday before the arrangements have been discussed.
What About Christmas and Other Special Occasions?
Christmas can be particularly difficult because both parents may understandably want to spend important parts of the holiday with their children.
There are lots of different ways separated families manage Christmas.
Some alternate Christmas Day each year. Others divide Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day between the two homes. Some families create entirely new traditions after separation.
Parents may also need to consider New Year, Easter, birthdays, Mother's Day, Father's Day and important celebrations within the wider family.
Rather than focusing only on one particular Christmas, it can be useful to look at arrangements across more than one year.
An arrangement that feels disappointing this year may feel much fairer when you can see how it will work next year too.
What About Half-Terms and Shorter School Holidays?
Half-terms can present different challenges because there is less time available.
Frequent handovers during a one-week break may mean children spend a significant amount of their holiday travelling between homes.
Some parents therefore divide the week into larger blocks, while others continue their normal arrangements.
Again, there is no universal answer.
Parents can consider what will allow their children to enjoy the school break while maintaining meaningful time with both sides of their family.
When Should Separated Parents Agree School Holiday Arrangements?
As early as reasonably possible.
Leaving arrangements until the last minute can create unnecessary pressure, particularly where parents need to arrange annual leave, childcare or travel.
It can be helpful to look at the school calendar for the whole academic year and discuss:
October half-term;
Christmas;
February half-term;
Easter;
May half-term; and
the summer holidays.
You don't necessarily need every detail decided a year in advance.
However, agreeing the general structure can give everyone more certainty and make it easier to plan.
What If My Ex and I Can't Agree on the School Holidays?
When communication between parents has become difficult, even practical conversations about dates can quickly turn into arguments about fairness, past arrangements or other issues.
This is where family mediation can help.
A family mediator will not decide how you should divide the holidays or tell either parent whose proposal is better.
Instead, they can help you identify the issues that need to be resolved, understand each other's priorities and explore different options.
You might use mediation to discuss one particular school holiday or develop a more detailed parenting arrangement covering holidays throughout the year.
Can We Make a Longer-Term Holiday Arrangement?
Yes. For many separated parents, this can be much easier than renegotiating every school holiday as it approaches.
In mediation, parents can discuss things such as:
how summer holidays will usually be divided;
whether Christmas arrangements will alternate;
arrangements for half-terms and Easter;
how much notice should be given before booking a holiday;
how overseas holidays will be discussed;
when passports will be handed over; and
what happens if either parent wants to change the usual arrangements.
Your children's needs and your family's circumstances may change over time, so arrangements may need to change too.
But having an agreed starting point can make future planning much easier.
Family Mediation for School Holiday Arrangements
School holidays should give children a chance to relax, have fun and spend time with the people who are important to them.
If conversations about the holidays are becoming difficult, PAX Mediation can help you have those discussions in a calm, structured and impartial environment.
Our family mediators help separated parents discuss summer holidays, Christmas, half-terms, holidays abroad and wider arrangements for their children.
We don't take sides or tell parents what they should do. We help you identify the issues that matter to your family and explore whether you can reach arrangements that work for everyone.
This article provides general information only and does not constitute legal advice. Every family's circumstances are different. If you require advice about your legal position, you should speak to a suitably qualified legal professional.
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